Don's Birthday...What a Great Weekend!!!

Our weekend was so fun. On Friday morning, I flew Don and I to Arkansas to visit with his sister that lives there! Now before you go thinking that I have a lot of money...NOT!!! We used Frequent Flyer Miles. This picture is at a place that Gone With the Wind was filmed at...the opening credits. It's a cool old mill. The colors were fabulous there right now! Very Beautiful!



This is Don's sister Maureen, and her husband Doug. They took us around to see the sights. It was a ball! Don had never been there to visit them, and so I decided that it was time! (Plus, I got to know them better!) Arkansas is sooooo green and has lots of water. However, you don't want to swim in it! It has terrible under tows and poisonous snakes! Water Mocassins and Copperheads. Yuck!



Maureen is just older than Don, in their pecking order. It goes ReNae, Maureen, Don, and Michelle. They look alike, don't they? We visited Toad Suck (yes, that is the name of it!), a place with the name Pickles in it...it was kind of Arkie...redneck and touristy, and the Clinton Presidential Library, that had a way cool exibit of gifts given to past presidents from other countries. It had jewelry, trinkits, swords, uniforms, etc.


We got home Sunday at 2:15, and I hurried and got his parties ready. His kids and parents came to a bbq, and then my kids, DeEtte and Russell, and his sisters came for dessert. Little Boston helped him blow out the candles!
This year, I decided to bite the bullet, and give Don a dog. (I know, this is Rae Jean talking! Hater of animals!) We went to see Jenny's puppies, and I was smitten by them, and decided to try it AGAIN. (Remember Schultz...he died a few years ago.) I decided that when I'm at work, I could use something to keep me company, because I'm here so much all by myself. I got him this little cute Jack Russell Terrier, and he is a honey. I hope that we/I can control him. His name is Champ II, after another one that he had from his kids, that died. (Maybe I'm hoping that we will take it for walks...and get some exercise in! lol)

Don was really surprised with his gift...he NEVER expected me to do this for him! Love those kind of surprises!!! I hope that our life will always be full of surprises...they add lots of spice to life. We had a great weekend...with lots of fun memories, shared by many that we love.

Finding True Happiness

I laid in bed last night, thinking about my life. You see, I'm always on the quest to make sure that I find True Happiness. I don't want to miss out on it! I know that I was happy while I was growing up. My mom and dad provided me with all of the essential things that I needed to feel safe and loved. They gave me all that I needed as a child, to feel this way.

I went off to New York as a nanny...and searched for more happiness. I loved the family that I was living with, The Meisels, and they too gave me all that I needed to feel loved and safe. I was even provided with a car to take on my days off, to tour the area or get together with my friends. I was content, but still searching.

I went to Ricks searching for my happiness. I loved my roomates and the atmosphere. I had all of the elements that I required to be happy, and even an occasional date or two. I was satisfied but still searching.

I got married, and thought that I had finally found it, only to have my heart shattered 23 years in...and realize that it wasn't there anymore. Happiness had walked out the door on Valentine's Day 2004. I can still picture the talk, the sounds, the weather, the drive, I can feel the despair and anguish......

Yes, I still long for the life that I was pushed out of. I want my family put back together. I want my kids to be able to come "Home" to me. I realize that that was taken away from them. How is it that they go "Home" to "His and Her" house all of the time and feel at home...but they will never come into my home again, and feel that it is home? (You cannot argue this with me...) My heart breaks because of this.

I want my life back that changed with the utterances of a few words...I've fallen in love with another woman. I'm still angry and hurt, and some days have difficulty living the life that I've been handed. Oh please don't get me wrong! I love my husband and his loving ways and our life that we are building, but sometimes I want my other life back. It is hard to move forward all of the time, and to stay positive. I yearn for the days when my children were small, and they wanted and needed me. I was an integral part of their lives. I was happy serving them and their needs. I was needed.

I am happy with my life, but I am sad. Don't judge me or pity me. Just know that sometimes lives are changed so much, and we go on and live the best that we can and make the best of it. After all...that's life. An ever changing picture, that we have to flow with. But sometimes it is hard to go on, without reliving parts of the past occasionally. Without appreciating all that we felt and lived with another soul. Give me this moment to remember the good times, the happiness, and the joy that I shared with another man. Let me feel sorry for myself, and feel sorry for my children for their different futures because of a choice.

I know that True Happiness comes from within. It is up to each of us to find it within us. If we cannot do that, then we will never feel that we lived or loved. We won't be able to appreciate life's little moments. And we won't be able to be a positive influence on other's lives.

My journey has been one of learning and loving. I've finally realized that I am all that I need. I make my choices and I decide to be happy, fulfilled, cherished, giving, and most of all...loved. What I give to others is my gift to them. I can keep my happiness inside myself and not share, or give it away.

I choose to give. On a day when you are feeling lonely or blue, please know that someone loves you. Know that other's have felt heartaches, had tradegies happen, and had their lives changed. Feel my arms around you, holding you tight and know that I love you. And know that it is okay to be feeling the emotions that you are feeling. It's okay to be down and need a hug. It's okay to live and feel.

You have had an important role in my life. I am who I am today, because of each one of you. You have helped to pull me out of the depths of despair, and raised me up to where I am. You have loved me despite of my mistakes. Because of this, I can continue on searching for True Happiness, and finding it in the little things that we choose to do. Life is progression...may we ever be found moving forward, but able to appreciate our pasts and our trials, so that we can enjoy the future more.

God Bless You and always Keep You in His Care!

October...

I cannot believe that it is October! Where did September go to? Here it is October 8 already! This is a fun month for me, as I have 3 special birthdays to remember in my family. Jake is on the 16th, Josh is on the 20th, and Don is on the 25th. This year for my kids, I bought them Lagoon passes, so I don't have to worry about the boys. We will go to dinner and call it good, and I will cherish the time with them.

We are hitting Lagoon again on Saturday, for one last time. Woo Hoo!!! (unless I go back with Jenny next weekend!) It's going to be cold, but should be fun.

I have big plans for Don's birthday, but I'm not gonna tell you now. I'll post on it, after we are back!

Have a great month!!! Love you all!