I've been putting off writing this post. It will be one of the most difficult ones that I write. For the blog's sake, I need to post that Don died on Sunday, June 13th, 2010. I had gone to Boise to my nephew's mission farewell, and Don took his life while I was gone. For those of you that don't know, Don lived with very bad depression. He fought it every day, and he struggled to find a good spot to be in. I know that he put on a great face and
appeared as if all was normal and right. But it wasn't. He also suffered with chronic pain with his back, from a couple of surgerys. He struggled daily with these things, and pile on the economy, and you've got a good recipe for disaster. When your living depends on the weather (and we had terrible weather this past year), it is hard not to let that get you down too. He tried so hard, and on the outside was okay. You see, he had me fooled too. I never would have guessed that he was at this point in his life. We shared many things, and he never let me know that this was an option to him. Otherwise I never would have gone to Boise.
I've put on some of my favorite pictures of him. What we shared together will always be in my heart. He was such a kind man to me, and so loving. He was a romantic at heart! He'd call me Babe or Love...I just loved hearing those names from him, and I wish that I could hear them one more time.
Don accepted me for who I was. He loved me for me, and not for someone that I was trying to be. He gave to me so much, and entered my life when I needed a champion...someone to love and care about me! He was my rock in the gospel, and we always talked about being sealed and attending the temple together. He loved to read scriptures. How many people do you know that love to do that? He'd just sit down and read them. He could never get enough of them! He was such a good example to me about everything with the gospel. Although I have to admit that I beat him in paying my tithing. That's something that I don't mess around with. He'd always say after I paid, that a customer would call or we'd get a new job for the business with it. He made me feel good about it.
Don loved my children, and my children loved him. He treated them with respect and kindness. I always appreciated that, and that he was always supportive of me doing things with them. He'd join us on most occasions, but sometimes didn't. And that was okay, he knew that I needed alone time with them too. (Just as I knew that he needed the same with his own.)
The thing that I loved most about Don was his beautiful blue eyes! I could never get enough of them. I always teased him about his height...being shorter than me, but you have to agree, that he must have loved me, to marry someone taller than him. (Cause if you know Don, he tended to have the Little Big Man Syndrome sometimes!) He was so cute about our differences in height all of the time.
I miss him so much! Some days are better than others, that is for sure. As I sit here and write this, the memories and tears are flooding through me. I want you to know of his testimony, and that he knew that he would be forgiven for doing this. I know that he was too. I'll never judge him on this decision. You see, I'm happy that he is out of his pain here. I'm also mad that he left me. But I am happy for him that he has moved on, and is busy serving the kingdom.
I didn't get enough time with Don. Even though we worked together and played together...I didn't get enough time with him. However I know that he is pulling for me from the other side. I know that he is still cheering me on, and supporting me. And someday, if I live as I should, I hope to be with him again. And to continue on our life together. We will see. Only time will tell I guess.
I so know this with all of my heart though...I've got 2 special men in heaven now, and they will both be there to welcome me home. I also know that Dad and probably his grandfather were there when Don died. I have to think that Don wasn't alone, and that they were with him. Otherwise it tears out my heart that he was alone. Someday we will all know all of the answers. I can wait for that day, but it sure is hard being here without both of them.
So here's to Don. A man that was loved in so many ways, and a man that loved so many things. But the best things that he loved to me were that he loved me and the gospel. I loved sharing my life with him, and the gospel, and everything else. Love you Babe!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOFOREVER
