April 1, 2011

It's April already. Wow! March went by so fast to me...cannot believe that it is over. It has been a good month for me though. I feel that I've grown and developed more into a single person. I got Kent to talk with me, and he admitted that he is dating others also now, which is something that I've felt all of this 2011 year. Things changed and I could tell that it was different. It's hard to realize that you are not enough for someone. Quite an ego buster to me. I'm still dating him, but also have gone on quite a few other dates with some nice men. There's been Steve, Dave, Tom, Bert, Bill, and Brent. All nice men, but they just are not Kent. He's got my heart so tied up, it is hard for me. I almost hate it, but then again, I do care for him. It so reminds me of being single before when I was dating Tony. I was so gone on him that it was hard to get past it. Luckily I did, cause I met Don within the next year. Who was one of the best things to happen to me in a while. Self esteem is so hard to have when you are dating, isn't it? One thing that I can admit is that Kent does not give me good self esteem when we are apart. When we are together he is wonderful, but I just don't have it from him when we are apart. I know that this is not how it should be. Someone that loves you should fill your bucket whether he is there or not. I'm going to comment on one of the guys before I move on...Brent. Quality man...real quality, humor, good member and strong testimony, and so gentle and sweet to me. However, he is not the type of a man that I'd normally date. I have to admit here that I've found myself to become quite shallow in my dating. It is really bugging me too! (Yes, it is true!!! lol) I met Brent at a group of singles that I go to on Thursday nights now. We do all kinds of activities and it is a GREAT group of people. I love it! Met him there, and danced with him on March 19th, one Saturday night most of the night. He impressed me so much with his personality and humor. I thought about him a lot of Sunday and Monday, and so then found his phone number from my friend that is over the group. I contacted him and it has begun from there. It has been so fun to get to know him more and to see him at the dances. We've gone out to lunch, he's come over to watch a video, and we have texted, texted, and texted. Plus he was there last night at Volleyball. So you are probably asking yourselves why he is not the type of guy that I usually date? He's a little heavy and balding. (But he is losing weight right now...has lost a lot since just January.) I'm attracted to him and it surprises me. But I am. Maybe it just feels good to have someone be interested in me, maybe it is the texting, or maybe it is that he genuinely cares about me. The comments that he makes to me are so sweet and sincere. I'm going to also admit that he reminds me of Tod my ex at times, and that is a good thing. Their personalities are a lot alike. Plus Brent is in banking at Zions and is actually thinking of retiring sometime soon. So I've had a real tug-of-war going in my heart and mind the last few weeks. Kent or Brent...Kent or Brent. It made me talk with Kent last Saturday and tell him that I'm NOT waiting around forever. Kent and I have a bond that I've not shared with anyone else. Our love of music and our love of dancing. It's so hard to let that go to me. I've searched and searched for it. How do you let go of something that you've searched forever for and feel so happy finally finding? (Of course there are other things too...that we share together.) To finally have it and to finally feel it with someone means so much to me right now. However, it is really not worth the way that when I am out of his sight I am out of his mind.(How I feel) Still...it is hard to let go. Enough on all of that! On to the Calendar: Feb 4, Lunch with Cousin DeAnn at Pei Wei. Lots of fun to catch up! Feb 5, Go with Jed (and Tod)to buy his new car. White Nissan Altima. Dance with Peggy, Dees Dance. Feb 6, Anniversary with Tod, would be 30 years. Wow...what a monument that would have been to reach with him. Super Bowl party at my apartment with Peggy, Steve, and Brent P and his son. Kent comes over after. Feb 11, go to the temple with Jed at Mt. Timpanogos. Fun! Then go to the Farmington dance with Peggy after it. Kent is there, but treats me strange. Feb 12, break up with Kent, as he is treating me weird. Go to the Dees dance with Peggy. Feb 13, go to a singles fireside that is really good by myself. Feb 14, this is a hard day for me. #1 because I broke things off with Kent on Saturday, and because I have memories of Tod breaking up with me, 7 years earlier on this day. Bright part of the day is coming home from school, and Dave has taped a valentine on my front door. Bless Dave! He made my day better! Feb 15, Brother Mark's birthday! Movie with Dave. Feb 17, dinner with Dave. Feb 18, Brittany's birthday. Feb 19, Dance with Peggy at Dee's Dances. Feb 20, go to birthday dinner with Brittany's family in Sandy. So fun! Sweet family. Feb 21, go to Kent's to record a CD onto a cassette tape, we talk and decide to keep going. I don't trust him though. Feb 22, temple with my ward from Sandy to Draper. Fun!!! Feb 23, Card class in Sandy. Love seeing my friends. Feb 24th I went with the Singles Group to the Westerner, to learn country dancing. That was so much fun! Feb 25, dinner with Bill, and Tango dancing lesson. Interesting! Feb 28th, I had a birthday dinner with my Kids for Jed's birthday in Orem at Texas Roadhouse. Mar 1, Kent and I went to the Hale Theater Production of A Tale of Two Cities...which was quite good! I didn't know that it would be sad though. I loved it. Mar 5, with Peggy at Dees dancing. Mar 7, dinner with Dave at Rumbi's. Mar 8, dinner with Tom at the Chinese Buffet, and a video at my place. Mar 10, wedding shower for Julie Issacson (RS Pres daughter), dinner with Steve at Texas Roadhouse, because his father passed away, and wanted to talk. Mar 11, go to Boise for Dad's year anniversary of death. DeEtte rides with me and Peggy. We have a great time on the way there talking with her. We stop at Maddox on the way for lunch. Viewing for Grant Grow that night. Got to see lots of friends there...namely Becky Thomson, Aaron Johnson. Darrin and Angie are there also, and we go for ice cream after it. Mar 12, go to a session at the temple with family, and then to the cemetary. What a special day as we talk about dad and miss him. I'm so glad that I'm there for this. It is so good to be with my family! Peggy and I come home that evening and go to the dance when we get home. We are tired, but still have energy to dance! Mar 13, today is Kent's birthday, but he is silent. Doesn't answer any texts or emails that I send to him. :( Mar 14, go for ice cream with Bart Lambart from high school, who is living in SLC now. Is separated and going through a divorce. It's so good to see him and listen to him. Mar 16, I attend my ward RS social. It's fun and I meet more women in my ward. Mar 17, I go to a ST Patrick's Party with the Thurs night group. So fun!!! Then Kent comes and sees me when it is over. Perfect day! Mar 19, I buy the lease of my car out, and buy the car from the dealership, so I'm not leasing anymore. Then I went to lunch with my good gf Linda Easley at Zuppa's. Love her!!! That night I go to the dance alone, as Peggy is not feeling well. It's been a while for me to go alone, but I have an okay time without her. I end up dancing half of the night with Brent and other guys from the Thursday night group. Lots of fun! Mar 20, Jake and Brittany come over to help me out with my Math, which I cannot get through! lol Brittany is a genius with Math! Love her! Mar 23, I have lunch with Brent, and then go to card class that night after school. Good day! Mar 24, Wedding reception for Julie Issacson, and then Singles Volleyball. I stay until 11 p.m. and get a bruised arm, but it's okay. Lots of fun! (Happy Birthday Karla!) Mar 25, Job interview for student job on campus. Bowling with Dave. He almost breaks 200 by getting a 195. Kool! Spring Lane Dance and Peggy is not with me. Kent is at the dance, but I don't dance with him as I don't see him until the last hour. He is jealous and that is good. I dance most of the night with Brent. Go to breakfast with Kent after the dance and I talk with Kent about things. Don't feel much better about things, but feel good to know that he is dating around, which is what I though was happening. Mar 26, Glitter Toe Party at Michelle's. So good to see Jenny! We stay and talk with Michelle and Rick until around 5. We go to the mall and hang out when we are done. Dance that night alone again and dance with Brent and other guys from the singles group. Mar 27, Brent comes over to watch a video. Fun to see him! Mar 28, Found out that I got one of the jobs on campus...and will be part-part-time for the summer. Then will work more in the fall, when a gal leaves. Yeah!!!! I'm excited to think about money coming in instead of just going out. Mar 29, I go and visit Kent and we play our instruments (guitar and violin)together. Lots of fun! He sings and plays for me. Love that! Mar 30, Go to Pistol Pete's with Larry, Nadine, Michelle, and Rick for Larry's birthday. Lots of fun and so good to visit with them. Larry is 77...he's a year older than my father. Such a wonderful man. It is hard to see him though, as he reminds me so of Don, and his Parkinson is getting worse. Love this man and the part he has had in my life though! Mar 31, go to Volleyball with my Singles group. Visit with everyone, and yes, Brent is there. I leave early, so that he can visit without me there. He notices, and calls and tells me that I'm the one he wanted to see. It's a feel-good moment. :) I REALLY like this guy. What can I say? I'm just a 50 year old teenager! At times I hate it. Hate being single again and going through all of this again. I've had some really serious times this month, where I've missed Don SO MUCH. I wish that he was here so bad. Springtime and we would be doing spring cleanups in the yards and getting ready to turn on Sprinkler Systems. He would also be bidding, bidding, and bidding to get jobs to do for the summer. It was a busy time for us and I loved it with him. It's good though to think of him and his enthusiasm and drive that he had in the Spring. I miss this sweet gentle man. School is over in less than twelve classes. Transcription ended yesterday thank goodness! It was getting difficult. I am down to just five classes: Religion, Intro to Legal, Computers, Math, and Interpersonal Communications. I have one project due for Legal, and 2 tests 5 assignments in Math, 1 paper due in Religion(ends on the 7th...yeah!), 1 project in computers, and a paper due in Inter. Comm. Not too bad to finish up with. It should all play out perfectly for me, and I should be okay with it all. I've enjoyed this cluster of classes, except for Math. They have been interesting and I've learned a lot in them. My schedule in June is going to be difficult. It will probably be my most difficult semester yet! Especially as it is two weeks shorter than the other semesters, so they will cram in the work into a shorter amount of time. I have a break from April 14-June 1 from school. Right now I'm searching for somewhere warm to go to for a week. Wish that I knew somewhere I could stay for free and just worry about my food. We will see. I really want and NEED a vacation away from school! Of course I'll have to work a little, but not much. I'll be able to get away. I know that I need to journal more, because I have so many emotions and things that I want to talk about. I've read two good books the past couple of months. He's Just Not That Into You, and Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. Interesting Reads. I enjoyed them both. We will see if they help me out any!!! Just finding peace and love inside for me is the most important thing that I can find. Then I can focus more on other people. Sometimes it is difficult to find this, even though I know that I need to. Peace means so much to me now. I so crave it and want it. I hope that this finds you well. Thank you for dropping in! Love you!